


Set Me Free

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, Episode Related, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-02-26
Updated: 1999-02-26
Packaged: 2018-11-10 20:58:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11134587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: What was Ray thinking and feeling in "Ladies' Man" ?? MAJOR SPOILERS!





	Set Me Free

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Set Me Free

Thanks to the ever wonderfully insane, tree loving, book burning Sama for beta reading! g. This story won't be here if it isn't for her. So THANKS. Lyrics are from Loreena McKennitt's song 'Prospero's Speech'.

Disclaimers: Not mine, no money, don't sue. 

****

Dec 98

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****

Set Me Free.  
By Eugenie Chua

 

__

~ And now my charms are all o'erthrown  
And what strength I have's mine own  
Which is most faint; now t'is true  
I must here be confined by you ~

 

"So let your conscience be clear Officer Kowalski, I killed him," she said, looking at me straight in the eyes. At that moment, I _knew_ she was lying. She wasn't the one who killed her husband.

 

Oh God! What have I done? Putting an innocent woman in prison for eight years. _Eight_ damn years! She suffered eight years because of me and she's going to die in two days for a crime she didn't commit. What have I done?

 

I tried to keep in control when I drove us, me and Fraser, back to the 27th, but when I saw what Dewey was doing, I just couldn't handle it anymore and I blew my top. She was going to die for something she didn't do and they were celebrating. I just couldn't stand it. It was lucky Welsh intervened when he did, or else...I don't even want to think about what I would have done.

* * *

__

~ But release me from my bands  
With the help of your good hands  
Gentle breath of yours my sails  
Must fill, or else my project fails,  
Which was to please. Now I want  
Spirits to enforce, art to enchant ~

 

I reopened the case. I couldn't sit on my butt and watch her die when I knew that she was innocent, and the fact that I was the one responsible for her being there in the first place. . .I just couldn't do nothing about it. 

 

I knew that I could not have the blood of an innocent on my hands; and if I did, I wouldn't be able to live with it. Hell, I can't even bare the thought of killing my dying dog! Fraser was right saying that I'm not a killer.

* * *

__

~ And my ending is despair,  
Unless I be relieved by prayer ~

 

Time was running short and I was really lucky that the Lieutenant was on my side. I ignored Dewey and the others as they mocked, laughed, and accused me of helping a cop killer. I didn't have time for them. Sooner or later, they were gonna realize that they were the ones who were wrong, not me. I hope that it was sooner. Fraser would be the one telling them the truth if it was the latter case. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if we were late. I was the one who started this and I'll be the one who ends it all. . .

When I realized that Sam was actually the one who had switched the evidence, it was too late. I was wishing he could hurry up when Fraser finally showed up and delivered his speech. If we were late, I wouldn't care if Sam shot me on the spot. I couldn't live with the thought that I actually killed an innocent. I can't and...and I wouldn't. 

When I heard that we were in time, the relief I felt was indescribable. Barely, but nevertheless, in time. 

* * *

__

~ Which pierces so that it assaults  
Mercy itself and frees all fault ~

 

"I'm sorry," I said to her. I really was. How the hell could I make such a huge mistake? There was no excuse for it.

"No," she said.

"I am. I'm so sorry." Except for those words, I didn't know what to say. I couldn't even put the guilt I was feeling into words except, "I'm sorry." I was never good at words. 

"No. Thank you Officer Kowalski. Thank you." And she hugged me.

Thank me? How could she thank me when I was the one who was responsible for her sufferings? How could she forgive me when I can't even forgive myself? _How_ could she forgive a sorry excuse for a human being for nearly killing her? _How_? 

I took a deep breath as I got into my car and I felt tears flowing. I couldn't control them and frankly, I didn't want to. I knew Fraser was watching, but I didn't care. What was a little humiliation and embarrassment compared to losing your freedom for eight years? Eight years of misery and mental torture, waiting for the moment when they'd stick a needle into your arm, _knowing_ the time they were going to do it, and waiting, waiting for death himself. I couldn't even imagine what she had gone through because of me. It was all my fault, and to think that she wanted me to feel better about it. . . that just made things worse. 

I wish she hadn't forgiven me, I wish I hadn't stumbled across her in the bathroom that night eight years ago. I wish I hadn't gone into the house or responded to the call, I wish I hadn't joined the academy. I wish I hadn't been born to this world, just to make good people like Beth suffer. 

I wish...

* * *

 

__

~ As you from your crimes would pardon'd be  
Let your indulgence set me free ~

 

They say time heals all wounds; I only hope that it's true. And that in time, I might forgive myself as Beth forgave me. . . but not now.

 

THE END

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